Nothing Personal!

A lot of things that makes me crazy
A lot of things that makes me weary
I don't know if I am helping myself
All I know right now is that I need help!
I wanted to scream, but I choose to be quiet
I just don't know if they are willing to listen to my crying
I am scared to let down the pride that I've got
But I am more afraid of putting my family's name on the spot
I have brought them to much humiliation
I don't know how to stop doing this addition
I am not an addict
I am not at critic
I am not afraid to speak out
But I am scared to tell it and shout
I don't have the guts of telling such
I maybe you say a coward
But I guess this is my reward
I am not perfect
But all the more I am imperfect because of my non sense mistakes
I keep on asking God for miracles
But I guess, He won't listen in my despair.
Should I be thankful that this is me?
Or should I regret the life that you gave me for free?
I have been a fool until now
And I will always be no matter when and how
I am not getting young anymore
The more I grew older the more I grew colder
I have a lot of troubles that I left behind
I don't want my parents to know that I am struggling in the inside
I don't want them to again suffer from deep agony and headaches because of me
I just want to keep this on my own for them to be free
I--I have filled myself with I.
I have be I--no one has been we!
I am now empty
But I am shameful for you to fill me joyfully
I don't know who can be the person that I can turn to
Because I have already turned my back on you
Shame is like a leech on my body
It is too painful to keep it away from me
I have brought myself to its deeper misery
I guess dying is the best option, because it is free
Anyone can judge you when you make a mistake
Anyone can hurt you when you have been verdict
Anyone can turn there backs on you because they are ashamed of you
Anyone can be against you because they really don't love you
I hate doing the things that I have done before
But yet I ended up doing the same mistake over and over
It is like I am on an endless roller coaster
I don't want to keep on pretending that I am okay
I am sick and tired of it to say.
I am fed up
I am about give up
Can anyone please give me a sigh of hope?
Can anyone give me a love that is from above?
I don't know if He still hears me.
Because I have been a rebellious since I was a kid.
I want to give in
I want to give up everything.
I am nothing
I am nobody
I am not that somebody
I am not others what they think I am
I am not the person that you thought I am
I am not the person that can reach high mountains
I am just an average person trying to find its way home.
I am lost
I have suffered
I am hiding
I am uncured
I am searching
I am not a blessing
I am a burden
I am a pretender
I am a liar
I am a cheater
I am lazy
I am a fighter
I am a backbiter
I am a destroyer
I am killer of my own
I am a discourager
I am not perfect
I am not your friend
I am an offender
I am a quitter
I am a loser
I am a chicken
I am what can possibly think.
That is me.
Nothing so special, no potential, better to be quiet then die.